Dyscalculia in Adulthood: A Talk with Santina Taglialatela

Santina Taglialatela, a recruiting coordinator who was recently diagnosed with dyscalculia, shares her experience of living with dyscalculia as an adult. 

Santina discusses some lesser known challenges that are caused by dyscalculia, managing and advocating for your learning disability in the workplace, the grieving process that can occur after getting a diagnosis later in life, and more! 

Transcript

Lauren Clouser:

Welcome to the LDA Podcast, a series by the Learning Disabilities Association of America. Our podcast is dedicated to exploring topics of interest to educators, individuals with learning disabilities, parents, and professionals to work towards our goal of creating a more equitable world. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the LDA Podcast. I'm here today with Santina Taglialatela, an individual with dyscalculia and a recruiting coordinator at a renewable energy company. Santina, thank you so much for being here today.

Santina Taglialatela:

Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here.

Lauren Clouser:

We're so excited to talk to you. We really wanted to explore dyscalculia from an adult's perspective, because, as we know, learning disabilities don't go away as you age. So I would love to dive into just a little bit about your experience and what it's like for you in the workplace, too. But before we get into that, I would like to give you the chance to just tell us a little bit about yourself.

Santina Taglialatela:

Yeah. So my name is Santina. I'm 35. I'm a recruiting coordinator in New York City, and I live with two very sassy cats.

Lauren Clouser:

We started talking, or before this conversation, we had talked about that you had a later dyscalculia diagnosis, that this diagnosis is actually fairly recent for you. So could you dive into what led you to seek this diagnosis?

Santina Taglialatela:

Sure. Yeah. So I've always struggled with math ever since I was little. I had difficulty with multiplication tables, division, and it didn't get better from there. I excelled in every single other area except for math. And, yeah, so during COVID...you know, the internet's wonderful. I was on TikTok, and the algorithm showed me people who recently got their autism diagnoses.

And I started noticing the symptoms. I'm like, okay, that feels like me. I feel like an alien. I don't understand people's behaviors, you know, and just check, check, check, check, check. Down the list. So in 2021, I got my autism diagnosis, and as I learned more about autism, I learned that it could be comorbid with dyscalculia. So as I explored the symptoms of dyscalculia, I was like, oh my God, this sounds like me. Like, I can't do math.

Concepts are very hard for me. It's hard for me to read maps or take directions. And, you know, learning the analog clock was very difficult at first. So I'm like, okay, I think it's time to kind of see what's going on here if it's actually me being bad at math or if there's something more. So I reached out to Dr. Schreuder and got my assessment. And this last spring I was diagnosed. So yeah, very, very recent.

Lauren Clouser:

Well, and that can often be the case too, if it's not spotted early in school. A lot of individuals do get a diagnosis later in life, which I think is important to note just because there's no age limit to being able to get a diagnosis.

Santina Taglialatela:

You know, I think my teachers had a clue because they had sent my mom home some letters saying they wanted to put me in the advanced classes because I was excelling in all the other subjects. But then they also wanted to put me into the slower classes because of math. So it was very much...My mother was confused. She was not happy. I grew up in an environment that was very like, there could be nothing wrong with you. So definitely slipped through the cracks there.

Lauren Clouser:

That makes it hard. And I'm really glad that you brought up that it wasn't just multiplication tables and doing math inside a classroom, which I think a lot of people associate with dyscalculia, that it's a little bit more than that, that it's reading analog clocks, that it's directions. So I am really excited to talk about that. Could you expand on maybe what are some symptoms or challenges that you face with dyscalculia that people might not automatically think of?

Santina Taglialatela:

So in my day to day, you know the two step verification system with the SMS, they give you the six digit code. I am looking at that two or three times because the numbers are switching around or I'm not reading it right the first time. I'm not going to say it's super time consuming but it's definitely frustrating having to check back and forth when you're just like, I just want to log in to my bank account or Facebook, things like that. Directions. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten lost in my own neighborhood that I grew up in because I'm very visual and maybe I took a turn and it didn't look familiar to me and I couldn't understand east, west, north, south directions. I'm very much left, right, up the block, down the block. So if I'm ever lost, it's a whole journey just to figure out where I am and where I need to be.

And thankfully I don't run into analog clocks too much anymore now that everything's digital. So that problem kind of solved itself.

Lauren Clouser:

Yeah, that's great. Well, and I mean the two factor verification, that's on almost everything now. So it's just that little bit of extra time a day. But I wanted to ask you too, after your diagnosis. I know it's been fairly recent, but have some things changed for you since your diagnosis?

Santina Taglialatela:

I think I'm still kind of figuring things out. I do give myself more grace now, because before it was, oh my god, am I stupid? Why can't I get this? And now it's like, okay, you have an actual disability. And just being able to say, okay, I have a disability. If I need an accommodation, I could go get an accommodation. And people are a lot more understanding of like, okay, you actually can't do this. So it's been more, I would say, emotional help than anything so far.

Lauren Clouser:

And about the workplace, too, I wanted to talk a little bit about what are some of the challenges that you face as an individual with dyscalculia in the workplace? What are some things that come up that you don't see your peers having struggles with?

Santina Taglialatela:

Oh, whenever I'm asked to do anything to do with metrics, immediate panic, immediate. I become irritable. I become frustrated. You know, my heart's racing. Sometimes I'll cry. And it's so alienating and embarrassing to go through that in the workplace. But I kind of have to take my moment, and going back to what I said and give myself some grace and like, just calm down and get to it. Because you do have to produce something in this world, right, to keep your job.

Luckily, Excel has been a lifesaver. I kind of think of it kind of like baking, where you're putting all the ingredients into the bowl, you put it into the oven. The oven is Excel. It does its thing and you get a result. So I'm not panicking as much. It's a way of like, okay, somebody else is doing the math for me. I just need to input the pieces. So that's been a really big help.

Lauren Clouser:

That's a good point. Well, and I wanted to ask too, are there, in addition to Excel and just kind of taking a moment to calm down in between tasks that are really difficult, what are some ways that you've learned to compensate for your challenges with dyscalculia? This can be in the workplace or in your day to day life.

Santina Taglialatela:

So I use Excel to budget for my expenses. My yearly figuring out, like, okay, what's my rent gonna look like? Very important things in New York City, or I guess everywhere, but especially in New York City, where the rent is so high. I also use Google Maps. That has been a lifesaver. I used to be embarrassed. Like, I didn't want anybody knowing that I was googling how to get from point A to point B as a native New Yorker. And now I'm just like, it is what it is. I don't feel like getting lost today.

This is what we're gonna do. What else is there? Oh, the Internet has been lovely. I don't know if I would have survived this long if we didn't have technology. I love putting in equations into Google. Like, decimals are really hard for me. So whether I'm home or at work, I'll be like, okay, what is .087 times .009, whatever the case is. And Google will just spit it out.

And I love that for me. And you know, the internet's great because there's all these websites who have calculators specifically for this one thing. So it could be for percentages, like, oh, what's the increase by X amount? And it's just so accessible and so easy to use that it's really been life changing.

Lauren Clouser:

Absolutely. Do you have any advice for fellow individuals with learning disabilities in the workplace? I know your diagnosis is still fairly new. You said you're figuring things out, but it seems like you're getting a good handle on it already, just compensating for the things that challenge you. So do you have any advice?

Santina Taglialatela:

Don't be afraid to use technology. It's there for a reason. And you know, as I said before, I'm kind of going through this myself. Giving yourself grace. And I also think, especially for people who are newly diagnosed, grief. You know, you go through this process of, you have all these flashbacks of every mistake that you've ever made with math, being embarrassed. And you kind of have a sense of sadness over what could have been. If there was an earlier intervention, if you had gotten help.

And just wondering what could have been. And that's okay. Just grieve. It's okay. I know it feels weird at first because you're kind of grieving over a concept, but really, you're grieving your past self and the possibilities. So just let that happen. Let that happen. The other thing too with grieving is that you think upon the cultural aspects of it as well.

I grew up with first generation Americans in an immigrant neighborhood. And you couldn't have anything wrong with you. Like, life was hard enough. You were just trying to get by. You could not have a kid who is different from the other children, because you're trying to fit in.

You're not trying to bring attention to yourself. And I think a lot of people who come from an immigrant community or are first generation themselves would identify with that. I think there's a lot more pressure on us to perform and perform well and perform neurotypically than there would be if that wasn't the case.

Lauren Clouser:

That's great advice.

Santina Taglialatela:

Thank you.

Lauren Clouser:

So, yeah, I really appreciate that. What is something that you wish more people understood about dyscalculia?

Santina Taglialatela:

Oh, we are not lazy. Like, I'm not purposely being inefficient or ineffective. I literally can't do what you're asking me to do. Believe me, like, if I could chop off and sell my toes, like, I totally would. Just to have the ability to do math. I need math more than I need my toes. It's so emotional and it's so frustrating at times and, you know, it's not on purpose.

Lauren Clouser:

Yeah. And it's such a shame that that laziness myth is still pervasive. You'd think...there's so much more knowledge than we had 10 years ago, and that's still just a pervasive myth that really harms people that have learning disabilities. Because it's not true. And a lot of the time individuals with learning disabilities are actually working harder than their peers to compensate for their challenges. So you have that added frustration on top of that. It's a real shame. And I agree entirely that I wish more people knew that.

Santina Taglialatela:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's exhausting. It's so exhausting.

Lauren Clouser:

Yeah.

Santina Taglialatela:

And people don't realize that aspect of that as well is just you're using so much more brain power and so much more emotion to just power through things that are so much easier for everyone else.

Lauren Clouser:

Well, could I ask about self advocacy for yourself in the workplace? How did you explain this to your coworkers? That it isn't just you being lazy, it's that these things are a genuine challenge.

Santina Taglialatela:

So I think I'm that annoying coworker who's always like, well, I'm autistic. And now that I found out that I have dyscalculia, I'm like, yeah, I have this other thing too. And I'm very lucky. My coworkers are super empathetic. And it's been really easy for me. I've been incredibly lucky, and I recognize that. And I think having my boss as well, she's wonderful. I think she understands more than most that there are these things that you can't overcome through sheer force.

I've also noticed there have been times where I've posted about being autistic on LinkedIn, and my coworkers have really responded to that, which I was like, oh, this is not what I would expect. Because you hear all these horror stories of people being bullied or feeling outcasted, and that just has not been my experience. So I think, going through this process, realizing that there are people out there who understand what you're going through or at least could be sympathetic and empathetic, has really been amazing. It's really changed my perspective on a lot of things.

Lauren Clouser:

I'm so glad that was your experience that you have such a supportive community around you in the workplace.

Santina Taglialatela:

Yeah.

Lauren Clouser:

Santina, I really want to thank you for sharing your experience with us. I think it's going to do a lot to raise understanding about dyscalculia.

Santina Taglialatela:

Yes. Thank you so much for the opportunity. I've really enjoyed being able to speak about my experience, especially with something that's so new to me.

Lauren Clouser:

Thank you for listening to the LDA podcast. To learn more about LDA and to get valuable resources and support, visit LDAAmerica.org.